NFL players want to be in charge of your lady business

The 1992 Washington Redskins and Buffalo Bills would like to talk to you about abortion. So they are going to use dumb football analogies to do so. Joe Gibbs opens this video talking nonsense about some controversial call that was reversed, so good for the Buffalo Bills, which “gave them a second life.” Gibbs then says, “if only we had an instant replay on abortion.”

That line is what made me do a double-take, an “are you kidding me with this?” type of reaction, where I second guessed whether or not I could correctly comprehend English.

Mark Kelso, whoever that is, and yes I am too lazy to Google right now, even admits that we’re probably thinking WTF, dude, why are you preaching to me, but then it cuts to Ernest Byner who says he likes the option to choose between heads and tails, but no one should ever choose EVIL, like abortion. Frank Reich wants to remind us that sex is only great when it is between two people who are married. Who the fuck are any of the assholes kidding? 0% of them waited to have sex until they were married and they can all just dismount from their high horses talking about something that is none of their business.

Was this a video that actually existed in all seriousness? I am not going to sit here on a pro-life vs. pro-choice soapbox so much as I am going to wonder why a bunch of NFL players decided this video was a good idea. Did they think their condescending yet totally scripted tone would persuade someone to agree that all their dumb football analogies showed them the way? Were they bored? I don’t get it. If NFL players are concerned about children, they should take a lesson from Peyton Manning.

[SB Nation]

Reva Friedel

About Reva Friedel

Reva is a staff writer for Awful Announcing and the AP Party. She lives in Orange County and roots for zero California teams.